How to not misunderstand a South African 101

I really like South Africans. I've had the pleasure of working with lots of them and I can't think of one that I haven't liked. 

That said, I have noticed one departure between American english and South African english that I find fascinating. It's the way they use "must".

Essentially, South Africans use the word "must" in situations when other anglophones would use "should" and if you're not accustomed, it can sound like they're being pushy or severe. For example: A South African might say, 

"You must call me when you're in town." 

The emphasis is on the word "call", not "must". 

This just means, "You should call me when you're in town." and not "You had better call me when you're in town or else!" Which is how it sounds to an American.

Likewise they might say, 

"Must I use the hot water setting when washing white clothing?" 

To an American, this phrasing suggests that the speaker is resistant or hesitant to use hot water and is asking if they really have to. In reality, all they're asking is, "Should I use hot water when washing white clothing?"

I find it interesting because both words "should" and "must" are kind of wrong in these instances according to the dictionary.

Oxford defines the word 'must' this way:  1. to be obliged to; should (expressing necessity)

Oxford similarly defines 'should' as: 1. used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.

It therefore seems as if we're both wrong. Both words imply obligation as opposed to option. Both words command the listener, rather than offering a suggestion, which stands out to my American ear when I hear a South African using "must", yet does not occur to me at all when I hear an American using "should". 

Isn't language weird?

So I offer this quick lesson to all non South African english speakers to file away in your subconscious. If a Saffer says,

"We're having a braai on Sunday, you must pop by."

You are not being ordered to do anything, you're being invited to a barbecue.

By 'barbecue' I refer to the verb that most non South African english speakers use to describe cooking meat over a fire, as opposed to the southern American noun form of 'barbecue' which refers to pit cooked pork only. Southerners get pissed when you confuse the terminology.

By 'pissed' I mean angry. Not 'drunk', which is what most non-American english speakers think of when they hear 'pissed'.

Sheesh!!!

No wonder NATO is so screwed up.